I fear that if I am treated differently, I will be segregated from mainstream society. I am also afraid of asking for accommodations or “concessions”. And of course, the game is already rigged since my productivity will always be “less than” my non-disabled peers. Thanks to capitalism, my worth is based on how productive I can be. I try to avoid the guilt and fear of being perceived as not good enough at what I do. I have always required flexible working time but I rarely ask for it and the same goes for a lot of other things that I need people to accommodate. The constant struggle to be perceived as "regular" and "productive" This is what I have grown up listening to and this is what I am constantly subjected to. I don’t aspire to be extraordinary but if I don’t over-work, don’t exceed my bodily limits, I’d be labelled "lazy", "not smart", even "useless".
So, I will continue working until my body and mind can’t endure any further until I can't even move a finger to type another word. Because if I decide to rest, it might give my professors and bosses (of these extra projects that I keep taking up) the chance to suggest that I am not trying hard enough to "overcome" my disability, to be the extraordinary disabled person that I am expected to be. My disability makes my body extremely spastic during the cold and it would be an understatement to say that I’m exhausted and in pain. I am yet to finish the last two out of eight college assignments suddenly bombarded at us.
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